I am James, or possibly Jim. I currently reside in an almost fictional location. Currently I am taking a degree... or am I? And in what subject? For some reason, this must become temporarily unclear.
If you want to know what I really look like, instead of going by these semi-awful cartoons, then all you need to do is track me down and follow me without being spotted. That way, you can also find out about various aspects of my life. Eventually, you will be able to kill me and take my place, and nobody will be any the wiser. I wouldn't get complacent though, since I'm very aware of the possibility of this, and have been stalking you for the past six months in retaliation. I could end your life right now.
Look, you really aren't interested in me as a person. Surely you aren't. (If you're even on this website, chances are you know me anyway, but go on, prove me wrong.) Well, maybe I'll put some more details here another time. You can email me on Gmail if you think it's really necessary. Prefix that at symbol with solidjim, why not?
Me, by me.
Me, by someone who's never met me.
Me, by people who should know better. That is not my nose.
Me, by Black Arts Viper.
Other staff
Like so many other websites, this one strives to make itself look more important by lying and saying that it is the work of more than one person. So here's the obligatory staff list.
Gypsum Fantastic is our resident photographer, but since I don't photograph well, he has very little to do. I send him on various odd jobs and assignments instead. He's currently a monk.
Click here to hear the last thing Gypsum said to me before the battery ran out on his mobile phone. He was in a Welsh yurt at the time, but since then I've had to rely on eyewitness accounts.
Tedium Redford is the technical technician. So, obviously, he must be the one responsible for the shoddy layout and ridiculous loading times on these pages. Yes, that's it. I had nothing to do with it. You're not pinning it on me.
Click here to hear Tedium's explanation as to the poor standards of the designer he hired. We've not spoken much since.
Francisco Badger is the researcher. It's his job to scour the world for sources of humour that are significantly funny, and sufficiently obscure. That way, when I steal their material, nobody will notice.
Click here to hear Franciso at his most dynamic. The man is a researching legend.
Bankrupten Pistov is my financial advisor. She is on a respirator in Hemel Hempstead. In constant agony.
Sorry, I haven't visited Bankrupten lately, as she's not much use to me now. I'll put up a relevant sound if I find one.
Herbaceous Waltz is my advertising executive. He's in charge of the capitalist branch of the site, and thus it is of course his responsibility if anything contained therein contravenes intellectual property and/or international law, and not mine.
Herb doesn't really say much, because of the legal risks involved.
I may add more staff, as soon as I can make them up.
